this time it’s personal
it’s not too often that i’ve used this blog for personal reasons…i don’t think i’ve hardly ever used this blog for personal thoughts. i had a xanga…link on the left, but i have stopped using xanga because of the bad memories.
i stayed up all last night and when i write all night i literally meant all night. i watched the most incredible movie last night -two in fact. both featured scarlett johansson who i just absolutely love! the first was the nanny diaries but the second was “matchpoint”.
watching it really made me feel like i can do england…or anywhere. mind you, the movie was about an affair gone wrong and in the end the guy killed his lover but just watching the city move around them, envelope them, i felt like i could be there and fit in.
now i’m scared, now i’m on the verge of an everlasting throw up. today a girl i knew that used to work for my boss called and she exclaimed “wow you’re still working there!”
i can’t allow myself to be in this dead end anymore. i figured i can’t complain about this anymore. i am still at the job because my family needs this money and frankly so do i. saving up at first was to be nearer to a person who didn’t even know the value of charrish. then it was to get away and now it’s 100% to find me.
this relates to my art because if i stay in a rut, in a block, in a spot i’ll never grow as a person or an artist. you see all these other artist’s blogs and they’re living…LIVING! and i’m not. i’m simply not.
i’m not living, i’m not existing, i’m not even trying. and it’s not a complaint anymore it’s a fact. so i have determined i have to change.