this is the dendoo blog, duh

no more

Posted in dendoo news, misc by dendoo on February 10, 2009

i’ve been asking myself why the hell am i doing dendoo. i’m not getting any results from it, i barely make decent sales, there is hardly any progression.

i’ve had people tell me i’m wasting my talent. as if i enjoy not seeing my artwork in publications. i tell them i’m trying, i’m trying really hard. locally the type of work i do is not celebrated and no one sees the pdf magazines that i do make it in as any type of result. they see it as a joke. even though i do get denied it’s just a joke to them that i’m in a pdf magazine.

i’ve been trying for months now to get in various “real” publications. i see illustrators doing the same thing in magazines, books, newspapers getting recognition and i could get it too. i ask other artists for advice and tips and yeah i can’t expect them to give me their gold ticket answer.

day in and out i send out examples to this place, send to this one. i cant even afford to send a self promotional package because to do that costs $50 a pop from here. $50. that’s if i’m not putting in something heavy.

with me quitting and the economy in the toilet i’m now out job searching and i’m realizing there is nothing i can do with sense here. i picked a stupid thing to want to be. i wanted to be an artist but who the hell told me i could be that in turks and caicos? the only artists here sell paintings of the water. stupid beach all day long.

i think it’s high time i settled down, i grew up. dendoo was an idea but it was also a part of me and i’m going to suffocate that part of me because it’s not a real thing. it’s a joke. if you thought i was wasting that talent before well you havent seen anything yet. the only thing i can do now is go and get a real job. a real regular i am a boring person job.

i am going to put england out of my head too. i have a visit and then i’ll suffcate that dream as well. what’s the point in trying? only the Lord knows how many times i’ve pushed that back and no one knows what it means to me but if i have to keep pushing back then it wasn’t meant for me. i was meant to be a typical black woman: hopeless with 3 babies on my back locked down with a man named tyrone.

the truth is i’ve tried. i’ve really tried and it seems i’m going no where. this is the first time i’ve pushed through my laziness to do something i believe in and to want something for me. dendoo, england were a part of a dream for me. it’s not working, and i’m going to do what i should have done a long time ago and give up. i’m going to be realistic, enroll in the community college, take a course and get a “real people job”. nothing where i have to imagine unicors around my head. something where i lose my soul and never get it back.

my work could have been the biggest and bestest. to me it is but no one is seeing what i’m seeing and i’m tired. i’m tired. this year was supposed to be my year, i wasn’t supposed to share this with anyone. i wanted to move, i wanted to be around other artists, i wanted to take dendoo to another level but it’s not going to happen. i can never be the artist of my dreams from this obscure rock in the middle of no where, where no one even understands why me or my work.

i was upset because i had to put england on hold. again. for the sixth time. but now i’m upset because i’m putting me on hold. for the millionth time. and since it seems i’m never going to grow…ever i might as well surrender and grow in a different way.

i’m tired. today i’m going to look for tyrone after i acquire my dead end job. forget dreams, they take you nowhere.


3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Kathleen said, on February 10, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Hi Charrish, I follow you on Redbubble and I agree that your work is amazing and inspiring. I’m sorry you’re so frustrated, I have had similar periods of despair over the impossible dream of doing something I love for a living. I have an awful day job that I would desperately love to give away and spend all my time working hard on getting better at drawing and making some kind of career out of it. I wish I knew the secrets of people who have managed to do that, they never seem to reveal how it happened. I think there is a bit of luck but mostly it’s finding an ‘in’, someone in the industry who can back your work, and I’m a terrible networker.

    Redbubble just is not a good place to generate sales. People there rarely buy anything. I only started getting a few sales when I gave up on it as anything more than a place to process sales. I promote my own website with every person I already know, and I encourage them to help me by passing it to other people, and they have been great. I focus on the people I already know, they actually want to help and promote me, and maybe somewhere I’ll get picked up by someone who can help make my dream come true.

    I think you are a very gifted artist. I hate to think you would give up on that part of yourself, I hope that doesn’t happen.

  2. Dan Redding said, on February 10, 2009 at 10:47 pm

    Wow. I *don’t* know what happened, when the final straw fell or even who the heck this tyrone jerk is supposed to be. But I do know I see a lot of pain behind this post; and I desperately wish there was something I could do to make it better. A few days ago you were singing at your desk and now I can almost hear the scream. šŸ˜¦

    Hey, if you wanna give up the art–that’s your call. I’ll miss seeing your stuff, but that’s not a big deal. Yeah, it’s hard to get art sales at first unless you pander a bit; and I just don’t see you doing that. So if you were only doing it for the money, you’re better off. But then, if you were doing it for the money, I suppose you’d paint beaches.

    So quit. Walk away. Or just take a break for a while. Any way you do it, it sounds like you need some distance. Whether it’s long term or short is up to you–but I would recommend throwing stuff in a box in the closet instead of the trash. I think art is more than a business for you; I think it’s an outlet… and everyone needs an outlet.

    I don’t know what happened. But what I know doesn’t matter; what *you* know does. You know you’re strong, don’t forget that. You know you’re talented, don’t forget that. You know you’re unique, don’t get all self-destructive on yourself. Even dead ends have a way out; you just gotta change your direction. šŸ˜‰

    Take care. Be strong. Be you. I don’t care if you call yourself dendoo or charrish; I never knew what a ‘dendoo’ was anyway, didn’t matter, I liked the person the name fit, not the name itself. Don’t lose that person.

  3. fifi lapin said, on February 11, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Hello Dendoo, (not sure if thats your real name!) well I just got your email, my junk filter is pretty overexcitable and luckily I double checked it – not something I usually do so it was lucky I found your email there, and I’m glad I did. I was sad to read that you have become so disillusioned with the art and illustration world… It is a tough business and I write from experience… and unfortunately you are correct, there is no golden ticket and there are no guarantees but ultimately we only have one life and in my heart I believe that doing a job that makes you feel like you’re going to suffocate and feel like a ‘boring person’ is not going to make you happy in the long term, no matter how much money you earn and where you live and what possessions you have.

    When I started to do illustration I had actually been trained as something else but it didn’t work for me, basically I wasn’t that good at it no matter how hard I tried. I’m not saying give up illustration (i think your drawings show great promise) I’m just saying perhaps broaden your horizons in the artistic world, there are a lot of cool professions out there…

    You talk about wanting to move to england but do you realise how many people there are in London in the creative industries? and they are all clamouring for a place in the top spot… you might be much better off getting to the top in your own country or using the internet to gradually gain access to other countries art consciousness without actually having to leave your own computer screen
    I don’t think England is necessarily the answer to your dreams (and it rains a lot šŸ˜‰

    Perhaps my reply has come to late in which case forgive my earnest reply but if you decide to carry on with your work and for whatever they are worth these are my tips for being a working illustrator (please bear in mind that it aint always what it’s cracked up to be – unless you are at the top of your game which is a difficult place to get too)

    no. 1
    work out if you want to be an artist or an illustrator. if you want to be an artist these tips don’t apply…

    the best way of getting work is to have an agent because whether it is an ad agency or simply a magazine if they know your agent trusts you to carry out a job then they know they can trust you too. so if you can – get an agent… look up ‘illustrations agents’ on the internet if you don’t know any

    it’s catch 22, an agent won’t take you unless you have had published work – they want to know that you can make them money and they want to know that you can professionally carry out a commissioned job.

    you can work without an agent but you will still need commissioned work to show that you can carry out a job professionally

    try to get some published work, whether through small magazines, newspapers… (even national newspapers in England insist illustrators work for free for the kudos) although it may feel like selling your soul to the devil often horoscopes are many illustrators first published jobs so make up a few for your portfolio and try and get some horoscope commissions.

    look in the front of magazines and send mail outs of your work to the ‘art editor’ or similar… make sure your work is always impeccably presented, that way they know you are more likely to do a good job.

    as well as your mail outs present your portfolio beautifully and cleanly

    Try and think commercially. Ultimately that is what your illustration is for, whether to sell a product, an article or an idea you should always be trying to convey a message.

    develop a web presence. useful websites for this are and amongst many others… give feedback on other peoples work more than you would like feedback on your own, make connections with people

    and finally keep practicing drawing every day and develop your own style that people can recognise and trust.

    I hope these tips help a little, I would not be usually be so bossy but you did ask!

    good luck and big hugs and carrots
    I hope you feel better soon
    Fifi Lapin

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: