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Curious Tuesday: Love

Posted in Inspiration by dendoo on June 15, 2010


kiss

Tell us about your most incredible romance.

Ugh…is it bad that I haven’t had an “incredible romance”?  No it’s not, it just means that I have more life to live and more love to experience.  Sorry yalls, no juicy stories here.

Bonus rounds:
Have you ever been the “other woman” (or “other man”)?  No.  HELL TO THE NAW.
What is the craziest thing you have done in the name of love?  Forgiven someone.
Is there someone who you think of as the one who got away?  No.
Do you believe in true love?  No.
Have you ever experienced love at first sight?  No.

Lol so answering this week’s Curious Tuesday questions got me wondering:  am I super unromantic or am I too realistic when it comes to love?  Maybe that is why I don’t have super long or super successful relationships.  My relationships are filled with love, or whatever love is at that moment, but in the end I always start feeling like I’m moving in another direction and the person isn’t moving in that direction with me.  The relationship ends in a friendly vibe but when I reflect on it I always feel like I was doing love because it’s expected of me.   You know?  It’s expected that you will be in a relationship and be lovey dovey.  Maybe that ISN’T me.

I’m starting to feel like my relationships are too childish for my liking.  So am I on to dating older men?  We’ll see but for now I am back to enjoying being single.  I swear my dears, single is good if you give it a chance.

Do you believe in true love?  Do you have crazy love stories and love connections?  Do you have advice for me??

Oh! I missed the last Curious Tues. so I threw it in.  My answers are much more lengthier than this week’s!

1. Would you ever get cosmetic surgery? If not, why not? If yes, what would you want done?
I think if I got surgery I would die, I have a fear of unnecessary surgery.  But if I got surgery I would probably enhance my booty area…lol.  Black girls know the booty is important!  But on the real note I’d rather fix whatever imperfections I have without surgery.

2. What is “your drink”?
I love mojitos, I love any chocolatey drink but I don’t have a drink.  I drink what is there as long as it doesn’t taste like fruit.

3. What are your five fashion essentials?  My essentials aren’t crazazy cause I think essentials should be essential:

  • Plain coloured tees – they go with EVERYTHING, they make your wardrobe stretch and they’re cheap!
  • A bright, oversized purse – This can double as a weekender, it adds colour to your outfit, and it carries all
  • Black pumps – Tyra tells all wannabe models adding a pair of basic pumps can add oomph to your outfit (so true!)
  • A good (sexy) bra – ladies get fitted, stick to your size and treat yourself to a frilly cute bra.  Instant sex appeal!
  • Sexy pencil skirts – A pencil skirt is so basic, it’s flattering and it always makes me feel sexy.  Try it!

4. Do you have any tattoos? What are they? If not, do you want some? What would you like to get?
I have a square on the inside of my wrist and I plan to get a lot more squares all over my body.

5. What is something most people don’t know about you?
I’m terrified of butterflies.  TERRIFIED.  Have you seen those things?  They’re just disgusting.

much love, dendoo

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Condom use is Sexy

Posted in Inspiration, misc by dendoo on June 14, 2010

Well hello there!
I’ve had quite an adventurous time away but it’s back to the blog and back to sharing and caring.

About two weeks ago I watched a local show here that focuses on issues within my country’s community.  The issue being discussed that night was on the issue of condom use.  Well…let’s just say I didn’t totally agree with what was being said.  I was so disappointed I made a video about it AND wrote the show an email.  Take a look and read!

And this is what I wrote to the show:

Hello,

I watched your show last night dealing with HIV/AIDS within our community.  I am pleased that you highlighted women in your show.  Overall it was okay but there were some points where I was in total disbelief and disagreement with what you and your guests were saying.

On condom use:
This is where I had a huge problem with what you were telling us.  Yes it is true condom use is not popular within the TCI community or the Caribbean community for that matter but I think this was a place where you, as someone who is seen as an educated Black woman with various experiences, have an opportunity to help change that.

I can not recollect the exact term used by you and your guests but it was something along the lines of “it would be wrong of us to ask our partner to use a condom” in the sense that since it is our culture to do without we would be asking so much of our partner, it would be against culture and prat ice to ask our partner to use a condom.

I STRONGLY disagree.  Culture is not always right.  Practices are not always right.  It was practice to throw excrement right outside centuries ago, it was practice to not wash hands before an operation or sterilize instruments before and after operating, but these practices were WRONG.  It is prat ice within our community to not use condoms but that practice is WRONG.

I agree, within the Caribbean women are usually the strong force of a relationship.  I like to believe that women have the power to be movers and shakers.  We can let a man think he is charge but a strong woman knows how to quietly pull the strings.  I will not enter a relationship unless I can use condoms.  I don’t think it’s wrong to present this to my partner, I could care less if it goes against culture because at the end of the day I know culture will not help me if I get a STD or HIV or AIDS.

I don’t think I need to negotiate the use of condoms
.  Instead of encouraging our women to be passive in their womanhood you and your guests should have encouraged woman to take a bold step and look the issue in the eye.  There is nothing wrong with looking a partner in the eye and saying I use condoms and that is what I require in my sex life.  For the woman who does not like the female condom or is more comfortable with the male condom I think it is better to encourage her to be proactive and straightforward with her choices instead of tiptoeing around her man and asking in a submissive way if it’s okay that we use condoms.

If we can start changing our mentality about these things we can start making strides beyond our imagination.  I can’t understand how we can empower women if we’re telling them to be little kittens.  If our men are expecting us to be lionesses in the bedroom let’s start by being a lioness about our sexuality and our sexual life.

I believe culture is dictating too much of a woman’s life.
Actually I touched on this on my blog a bit.  I attacked it from the angle of what is expected of me culturally as a young woman and what I expect for myself.  If you like you can read it here: https://dendoo.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/youre-not-a-traditional-girl/

I think with all the different cultures and backgrounds we have in such a small community a woman, regardless of where she is from and her beliefs, may feel forced to keep up or conform to her partners beliefs.  A lot of people, men and women, living here do not feel it is a problem to have more than one partner AND to have unprotected sex with various partners.  However, if a woman can feel secure in who she is she will not only demand monogamy but she will also demand higher standards in her partner.  So you want to withold money?  Then keep it.  She should demand higher standards within herself.  It is only then a woman can be free from the perceptions, the practices and the unbalanced situations that life is presenting her.

Overall the show was okay but I think the way you presented some ideas could have been stronger.  I’m never going to trick or negotiate a partner into doing something that should be standard for my safety.  Screw culture when it comes to my sexual life.  We need to start educating ourselves at a younger age, don’t you think?  Too often I have asked why aren’t we educating our daughters from the time they are in high school?   Especially when this is the age many are starting to experiment sexually.

I will be blogging about this same issue.  Thanks for giving me something to think about.

What do you think?  In your culture is safe sex the norm and what do you feel about women and the strength of their voice in their sex lives?

Culture….it’s a crazazy thing.

Much love (and respect), dendoo

dendoo / c ferguson in ideafixa

Posted in artwork, dendoo art, Inspiration, vector by dendoo on June 13, 2008

hey hey ya’ll!

i just got in IDEAFIXA’S lastest pdf-mag.  this issue was about desire…sexy ain’t it?

check your girl out, two pages of desire (click pics to enlarge)